RUPERT AND THE QUEEN
By Kelly Madden
aller than you expected, eh? That’s rich. I’m used to it though.
Let’s get some things straight right off the bat, young man. For example, I did not, nor will I ever, hop around a fire. Forest elves don’t hop. And I most certainly did not tear myself in two.
I know it says so in the story, but I’m here, aren’t I? But I’m getting ahead of myself. You want my version, do you? Well, so did those brothers, and I’ve been ducking their malarkey ever since. I’ll be wanting more than gold this time. Absolute rights over your final copy.
Speak up, man, I can’t hear your head rattle. Very well, then. Once upon a time…ha! Got you.
Although a great deal of time has past, it’s true. My lady’s long gone, bless her soul. Let’s just say the story took place when your people and mine mixed more socially, if you get my drift. Back then I was a tailor, and a good one too, if I do say so myself. Fairy garments were valued in the village and I made a decent wage. The townsfolk treated me with respect, more or less. All in all a comfortable life.
Quite right, I’m off track. Just warming up.
Anyway, my tailoring skills bought me a fine little house up in the mountains. Made quite a bachelor pad if you know what I mean. The parties we’d have…sprites, brownies, and packs of slim hipped dryads. Those were the days. Whooping it up, drinking ‘till dawn.
Did I mention the dryads?
Sorry. Not as young as I used to be, and I tend to repeat. Where was I? Ah yes, thank you.
It truly was a lovely life. Good friends, good times, good job. And I didn’t party all the time. I did community work too…most of us fey folk did, even though nowadays your kind think all we do is steal babies and drink milk. In fact, the night it all began my friends and I had just finished a gratis job for a destitute cobbler. We did the work in one night, for free. None of us were very good at shoe making, but he seemed grateful enough.
No, no, no…those brothers got that story wrong, too. He certainly did not leave out precious little clothing for us. I just said he was poor and needed help, didn’t I? Besides, I’m a tailor, remember? I can make my own clothes.
Like I said, we did that poor old man a favor, and he bought us a few rounds of ale in the local tavern. Went to sleep outside the joint under a tree and slept right up until evening. When I finally woke up a carriage was bumping by: a gilded, jewel encrusted thing hooked to three more horses than it needed. I was about to go back to sleep when who should look out but the prettiest girl I ever did see. Prettier than any dryad, prettier than just about anything.
What? Settle down there young man and I’ll tell you.
Long, blonde hair floating out the window like dandelion fluff, eyes a color the sky turns just before it gets dark, a gorgeous blue-purple. And the most serene face I’d ever seen.
And I have to say, that’s rare for your kind. I was more then a bit intrigued.
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